What if Sigmund Freud’s name was Jim-Bob Buford?

I can run, but I cannot hide.

Would his psychiatric ideas have been taken seriously if his name weren’t Zigmooned Frrrrreud? I doubt it. (Are they taken seriously now?) What if he weren’t German? Or Swiss. Or whatever he was, but he was from Arkansas instead? He would be unknown, like everyone from Arkansas, except Bill Clinton, who had some “interesting” psychological ideas of his own.

Nevertheless, to be taken seriously in the West, you need to have a foreign-sounding name.

Counterpoint: Sigmund Freud did not have a foreign-sounding name in Germany, or wherever he came from.

Suck it, counterpoint. Who invited you into this discussion?

I’m just saying . . .

Stay out of it. Anyway, if you want your theories to be embraced by the West, you need an exotic name. Marconi, Gauss, Einstein, Bohrs . . .

What about Adam Smith? He’s widely regarded. Admittedly, if he were Bob Smith, he might have a bit less panache, but still . . .

I’m trying to make a point here. If you have something to say, get your own little-known Substack and argue your brains out. My stuff gets occasional comments. So there. Anyhow, Oppenheimer’s Special Theory of Relativity probably wouldn’t be so popular if his name were actually Steve Miller . . .

First of all, it was Einstein’s theory, not Oppie’s, and Steve Miller is a musician whose eclectic style blends blues, rock, jazz, and folk, and is widely recognized in the West for his contributions to modern science’s understanding of jungle love.

How about Tesla? Would any self-respecting, self-conscious virtue-signaler buy one if it were called a Louise? I think not.

I don’t know why in the hell you are called “Counterpoint.” You should be named “Missing-the-Point.” Snap.

I’m trying to write a wry, erudite argument that, by its nature as an opinion piece, does not require the irritating insertion of “whatabouts” and countervailing details, so my reader can agree with my assertions without thinking too much. You are ruining that.

I guess if you can’t defend your argument, you don’t really have one, do you?

Look, I came up with the premise that without an author’s fancy name, many Western ideas might be on the scrap heap. I had no idea whether I could flesh it out into a coherent piece. If you hadn’t inserted yourself, I probably would have quit after the first paragraph.

So you're saying that without me, this wouldn’t have been a piece at all. So I saved you from yourself. You should be thanking me.

Thanking you? Look at how much time I’ve wasted. I could have worked on some of my other vacuous ideas. Now we’re 454 words in, and all we have to show for it is dreck.

You’re welcome.

Drop dead.